From Sober Hel Ya Dallas

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Hi again for Dallas! You do NOT have to read this!! I just was inspired by your podcast and laughed out loud. It’s not an organized email and mainly just a journal entry for myself. You did say to email you though! HA. 

I can’t be a cucumber again. Thank you for saying that on the podcast today! And thank you for all the reminders to feel grateful and not have pity parties. So, I feel so weird emailing you again, but I am really new and alone on this journey of mine. I am sitting writing this after I went on a short walk as I cooked dinner and my husband came home from work and poured himself a drink. He was frustrated because he had traveled back from Austin and didn’t have enough time in the airport to have a drink AND then because it’s such a short flight Southwest didn’t serve. Ha! 

So, I put in my earbuds and went on a walk and listened to your pity party podcast. I love how you bring up the Ukraine situation because it really really really does put everything we are all dealing with in USA seem small and in different perspective! I use that every day too…especially with all of these serious tennis girls in Dallas who I play with who are getting every kind of injectable in their bodies and worried about which pinot noir or sav blanc they are going to drink next after we finish playing! 

I digress. I am writing because I do feel like your podcast of the self-pity party today really really hit home with me because for the last 17 days of my early sobriety I actually have a different perspective from the last time I white knuckled 106 days sober last year. Let me be clear when I started last year on July 1st…. I just wanted to do a “break” and my therapist told me about Rachel Hart who is a San Fran drinking coach who teaches moderation or how to evaluate your drinking. No one in my life had even questioned the role of alcohol or drinking in our lives.  I work out religiously…play tennis, golf, go to bar method. And not a single soul ever said…I am going to get sober. Or said, maybe this alcohol is not serving us. Or just even questioned how much anyone drinks. So, image when I did dry July the emotions and reactions I got from my girlfriends! My California girlfriend embarrassed the hell out of me in front of everyone and asked me if I was Canadian because who gives up drinking in JULY.  So, I went underground. I spent a lot of time by myself and I discovered recovery podcasts and quit lit. And then I couldn’t unknow what I now knew.  

Then my tennis team got to me on the 106th days., and I introduced wine back into my life. At first it was slow. Moderation. Ha. By the time it was mid-February I was drinking a bottle or bottle and a half a day. Then would take a few days off…or I would say EFF it and just drink every day for a week. I got used to living with a hang over again. The anxiety, The loathing of myself. The skin care goes by the way side. I fell asleep in my clothes. HATE THAT. I would wake up wondering if our dogs were fed. The doors were locked. Etc. Etc. 

Then I saw a picture of myself when I was on my 105th day of being sober. HOLY MOLY. My eyes glowed white. Not the blood shot ones that I try to hide with the whitening eye drops every morning. My skin was glowing. Dewy. Hydrated. My smile was HUGE (probably because my dentist had given me an A+++ and said he didn’t know what I was doing by he had never seen teeth in 6 month that had such little plaque on them! - just another benefit of being sober). 

Long story short…this time when I quit 17 days ago…I approached it with a sense of calm. And of course, I am like a Type A child…and I printed out a 100 day to break a habit chart. I have taped it to my bathroom mirror and at the end of each day I cross of the day. So, I haven’t had many questions yet from my girlfriend because I have been dodging happy hours and staying after tennis and golf…but I am ready with the “I am doing another 100-day challenge of no alcohol!” Excuse. Knowing like you said today…I am a pickle. I can’t be a cucumber again. My dad stopped drinking when it became a problem in his forties. He is 81 now and looks amazing. Truly. And other than his poor hearing…which I know is so common for all men his age…he is as sharp as a tack and walks his 10, 000 steps a day! And I have printed out a picture of him because I want a reminder of playing it forward and seeing what we do today can help our future selves. 

Again, thanks for reading or not. I did re4ad a quote which I loved….”Change is never painful, only the resistance to change is painful.” - Buddha.  Like you said, change and becoming sober is a change in mindset. I am working on growth mindset. Not a fixed, half glass empty mindset. But a chance to have another “first” in life. Isn’t that exciting? I don’t know sober Helen. But as she shows up every day and I get to know her…I do love her….and can’t wait to keep being inspired and encouraged by YOU. Thank you again. 


Have a great week! 

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Emmy Shea, Artist

“Bizzy is personable, enthusiastic and strategic. She is a powerful resource who can support you through tough transitions, help you develop and implement new game plans as well as keep you motivated through all of life’s fluctuations. Bizzy will keep you on track and she helps you get results! On top of that, Bizzy is always upbeat and sincere. You’ll leave meetings with a glowing smile and feeling confident.”

Celine U, manager:

“Bizzy has helped inspire me to think positively, find my happy place, and feel good as a person. She is a true inspiration to mankind.”

John F., business owner: 

"Elizabeth calls herself a “life enthusiast” and I can see why. She exudes a very powerful positive vibe that I find infectious. She brings productive energy to all her endeavors and I have learned from her how to bring it to mine. She is truly a joyous soul and it has been a gift to me to be the recipient of her strength and hope." 

Ella R. Thumbtack

"Our first session was cut short due to some unexpected events on MY end... but in our session, Elizabeth provided real life input and well-articulated and concise encouragement and advise that demonstrated not only a clear understanding of my needs, but a genuine and authentic concern for my best interest. I walked away with a messy tissue, a weight off my shoulders, some tough things to think about and a real sense of clear direction and validation. If that isn't the purpose behind her industry I can not fathom what is. This woman has a gift. She understood me like an old friend and I can not wait to work with her again! Highly, HIGHLY recommend!"

 


Instincts

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Good Day!

 

It has been a while since I have written. I hope this finds all who are reading in a good place or on their way to serenity.

 

Today I am writing as I watch the ocean roll in, wave by wave, like our breath; in and out. We don’t pay too much attention to our breath, it just happens. Breathe in and out just like the ocean waves.

 

I for one take advantage of the fact that I don’t have to think about oxygen coming in and out of my body. Instinctively my body knows what to do.

 

This morning’s dally reflection in the book, “A Deep Breath of Life” by Alan Cohen was about instinct. The reading was about whales and birds. Both have travel instincts. For example, whales travel thousands of miles each December to Maui, Hawaii to deliver their babies. The whales stay until April then they start their trek back thousands of miles to the North where the water is a lot colder. How do they know where they are going? Year, after year they make the same trek and how? Instinct!

 

Birds also go away! In the cold months’ birds fly south for the winter (just like human snowbirds hahaha). They fly in unison down to a warm state until the weather thaws and then make the reverse commute back to the north. How do they know each and every year? They don’t have GPS! It’s instinct.

 

God, your higher power, the Universe, whatever you want to call it has given these whales and birds instincts to know. I believe we all born with instinct. We all know inside which way to go. But outer distractions get in our way. Those distractions can be alcohol, drugs, other human beings anything that we put on a pedestal. NOISE! We let the noise guide us when our God has already instilled in each and every one of us instinct!

 

Trust your instincts. Do yourself a favor and get quiet enough to hear what your instincts are telling you. It is hard to listen when your really busy.

 

During prayer and meditation is when I can hear. It took me a long time to get good at meditation. Time takes time. I started with a minute of meditation and eventually I could sit for a half hour. But it is when I get quiet that I can feel which way to go and what decisions to make.

 

For a long time, I had to ask at least 5 people what to do? If I had any decision to make I had to get others opinions rather than trusting that I knew what was best for me.

I Wish You Community....

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By Richie Crowley

I’m here on a couch on the 21st floor of a building in Brooklyn watching the sun’s hairline disappear behind the New York City skyline. It’s Gloaming. And I’m reflecting on the contradiction of this concrete community.

It’s not just in New York that this exists, but it’s glaringly obvious here. Surrounded by people all day, there are opportunities for so many small but meaningful human interactions.

But when did we collectively decide not to talk to strangers? Since when do we not automatically have each other’s back? Since when do we not know our neighbors?

This weekend I experienced the depth of friend groups here in New York, people who love each other and have been connected for 10+ years, but still I sit back and wonder, why do so many of us only exhale into community once we are behind the locked door of a familiar apartment?

For some, it may be to protect ourselves. But for so many of us, it’s an unfortunate default.

What would an alternative look like?

• • •

Community, known to be the secret of longevity, has become a brunch buzzword distributed at the end of weeknight yoga classes in which we don’t know the name of the person on the mat next to us. But community isn’t an in-the-moment-only commitment, we must enroll in the practice of nurturing it on every level.

Many champion community as if it were a trend. Championing it, like me currently, in a digital environment: creating content from within walls that separate us from our housemates, within a space that shelters us from neighborly interactions.

But it’s the convenience of digital environments that make this construction of community the path of least resistance. Email, text, phone calls and facetimes have allowed us to be present for the intimate moments of each other’s lives with less effort than the methods used by generations before.

But, does this replace sharing a physical presence? And does community only apply to those we know?

For me, community is both. Community is created with each stranger that I smile at. Each driver that I wave to as they allow me to pass in front of them. Community is also sharing writings, answering every text and interacting through social media. It’s an effort, and it’s important.

So, am I asking you to decline phone calls and demand in-person interactions? No.

Am I asking you to introduce yourself to the person practicing next to you? Maybe.

Still, I’m asking for more.

• • •

Expand your community.

Imagine if every street you walked down, you saw a familiar face and smiled rather than loading the latest posts on Instagram. If at every grocery store you knew not only the clerks but the floor attendants. If you stopped in at a local shop, just to say hello.

Community is not only formed to have a support group to share defeat and celebration and it’s not a list of names saved for holidays cards and save the dates. Yes, community has these small groups inside them, the keepers of secrets, but community is also the humans who exist around us.

I use smiling at strangers, meeting eyes, and introducing myself to create a feeling of safety. To spread this peace of mind that we are all together. And as I bike across the country I think, what if everyone pursued community in the broader sense of the word?

• • •

The day I left Canton, my friend Sue Bonnano sent me off with a meditation that followed phrases to be focused at the people I would meet and communities that I would enter. We repeated:

  • I wish you peace.

  • I wish you safety.

  • I wish you health.

  • I wish you happiness.

If we wished these upon every person we met, how would that change the world?

Maybe that is my ask.

Richie. Human.

On Friday I visited The Campaign Against Hunger in Brooklyn, NY where we were able to donate 400 Veestro meals. To date, we have raised over 1,000. If you have donated a meal, thank you, you are truly changing this world through action.

" I am still a shopping addict "

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“I still am a shopping addict”.! Amen! This is just an example of one of many lines that I could relate to in Elton John’s new movie Rocketman.

I loved it, it was absolutely fabulous. Taron Egerton’s portrayal of Elton was marvelous. The acting, music, and dancing that portray Elton John’s life and his battle with addiction was brilliant! If you are battling the disease or one of your loved ones is, this movie is a true example of how awful it can get and how exquisite it can be on the other side.

As an addict myself living in long term recovery, this movie was a perfect example of how atrocious addiction can get.

Living in active addiction is horrible. Especially when you know it is killing you and you just can’t stop using! I cannot express in words how heinous it is for someone experiencing this. The only way I can describe it is living in pure HELL!  

I’m not a rock star and I’m not famous but I am an alcoholic and I remember feeling like I wanted to die. I remember thinking that booze was my only friend, and I remember feeling like if I can’t drink then how am I going to manage life! Booze was my best friend and my GOD! I cried at the end of the movie because I could relate so much to what he went through.

Hitting bottom is personal. Human beings are diverse and each person has their own journey and own awareness. One may have one bad experience with drugs and alcohol and that is their bottom while another may lose everything they love and still not hit “bottom”. 

We are all exceptional in one way or another but how we experience things is different. Love is the one feeling we all long for.

I believe that if more people could speak openly about their addiction then things could change!

I personally applaud Elton John for his honesty, strength and humility in sharing his life on the big screen for all to witness. My hope is that this movie helps people by giving them courage to ask for help, to know that they are not alone. To know that wow, Elton John asked for help and he got better. He still has fun, has a loving relationship, a family and is SOBER! He is living life one day at a time without drugs or alcohol.

If you are you are battling addiction and you feel lost and alone please go see this movie. I promise it will give you some HOPE!

Please don’t let your bottom be death. Have courage and reach out!

 

 

 

Weezie Shares a Personal Letter

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Every year during the holidays, I write a letter to our employees. No matter how much our family business grows in terms of its employees, we always maintain the spirit and closeness of a family business. This past holiday I chose to share my story and give a message that is very close to my heart. Some are aware of my journey, others were not. I did not send it hoping for accolades, but rather to remind people that we are all human. This disease does not discriminate. If I touched one person out of 200, I am living my dream. Xo

I have mentioned in the past my admiration of Oprah Winfrey.  I spoke about it in a past Christmas letter reflecting on my attendance at her “Live your Best Life” tour.  Unfortunately I didn’t walk away applying all that I thought I had learned from her.  No matter how many words may have slipped through the cracks, I continue my devotion to her by purchasing her magazine monthly only to read the last page titled “What I know for Sure”.  For some reason this page always centers me, motivated me, and speaks to me.  Sometimes in a whisper, sometimes a thump on the head.  This month she spoke about how we, the world, is saturated in negativity.  She said… WE. ARE. IN. TROUBLE.  This world today is far worse than it’s ever been and we need to come together.  Come together with respect.  Stop the hatred, the blaming.  I love her line…With hatred, no side wins.  In the end we all lose.  Hate is potent, but so is kindness.  And goodness, and grace.  Use yours generously.

 On December 27th I will be celebrating my anniversary for one year sober.  A true gift that didn’t seem like much of a gift in the beginning.  In addiction, we all come in different packages.  My package is Sober, not ashamed.  Others with this unfortunate disease choose to hold it closer to their heart, some choose to remain anonymous.  I never judge the path people take, I just know mine works for me.  The silver lining in my journey has been the gift of service.  The gift of being able to be sober and help others win in the tough fight of sobriety.  I now go to a Prison and speak every other week.  Not because I don’t know what to do with myself after a long day and long commute, but because I want to make a difference.  I sit there amongst 30-40 inmates, tell my story and give them a “voice” they so desperately want to have.  I give them hope and help them figure out the path they need to take when they get out – and most importantly, assure them that they don’t have to walk it alone.  There are some who are so angry that they can’t even talk, others who are so grateful that they are given a second change, but they are all scared to death that they may not end up having the life they thought for sure they were deserving of.  Last week a woman spoke up and said that she was missing Christmas with her kids, missing the decorations, being with family.  She said there is only one window there, and out that window there is a little strip of grass and a sliver of the sky.  She never realized how much she appreciated  nature until it was taken from her sight.  I told her to think of that little sliver of light and blue skies when she gets out.  Maybe in a moment of a potential bad decision that visual will act as a whisper and keep her from returning. 

The bottom line is that we all need each other.  Without support, life’s challenges can be too overwhelming.  They become so much bigger than ourselves that we give in, give up.  I know that feeling.  Do not underestimate the power you have over anyone.  I leave the prison every time praying that maybe just maybe, my message got through to just ONE person, ONE life.  We all have our own cross to bear, our own pain, our own struggles.  We lose relationships, marriages, friendships, worry about finances, our futures, sick loved ones, and grieve over loved ones that pass.  And when it all seems like too much – the answer is right next to you.  A stranger, a friend, a loved one – someone who understands.  Someone that doesn’t judge you, that cares unconditionally.  Service comes in all different sizes - find the size that fits you.

What I know for sure this year is that despite life’s road blocks and detours, I have never been happier.  Not because I have all that I want, but because what I do have is the greatest blessing of all. Gifts are abundant if you choose to look at them instead of only seeing what you don’t have.  This season – give yourself to those who need you.  Let someone know you care.  The rewards are endless.

Thanks Weezie!

 

A story about how I got very upset being a woman in long term recovery.

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Recently my husband had to control me and my actions after listening a to medical professional’s lecture on the opioid epidemic in our country.  He didn’t have to physically constrain me, but he definitely had to verbally and sternly look at me and say “I don’t think you need to say anything, this is their event and you are a guest. Please stop”.  I heeded his request.

But, I had to share my thoughts in the hopes that this may help just one person get sober, or a family member or loved one to understand in layman’s terms what is feels like to be an alcoholic/addict.

Addicts are many, many different things, just like every human being that has a life-threatening disease.  Adjectives that could be used to describe these people are the same words that many people could use to describe any other disease.  My frustration begins when someone tries to put labels and general terms to describe alcoholic/addict.

For example, I WANT TO SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS when someone uses the word SENSITIVE to describe an addict. Isn’t anyone who is in pain sensitive?  Yes, some addicts and alcoholics are sensitive, and some aren’t.  To use a general across the board word to describe an alcoholic/addict is inaccurate.

I believe health care professionals using the blanket statement, “the alcoholic/addict does not want to be judged” is insane!  Who in their right mind wants to be judged?  I don’t believe that anyone wants a stranger/friend/family member to review one’s behavior and then proceed to label them as one thing or another?  Yes, addicts/alcoholics don’t want to be judged but neither does anyone else.  We need to sharpen our interpretations and observations to come up with more valuable solutions to helping those battling this horrendous disease.

I love, love, love being an alcoholic!  You may be scratching your head thinking, “Why in the world would anyone ever say that?”  The reason I say it is because if I had never gotten clean and sober (meaning not using drugs or alcohol) I would never have learned what loving a stranger meant or what it felt like to just be grateful.  These words describe the way I feel in my heart.  Society has gotten so far away from love and gratitude that we have become a society of pessimists, complainers and a downright miserable lot!  The only reason I can say this is because at a time I was just like that!  Nothing was ever enough or good enough!

Addicts and Alcoholics are human beings that have lost their way.  Many people prior to getting introduced to drugs and alcohol had successful lives in one way or another.  Science tell us that the disease of addiction is genetic and when people get introduced to these spirits they change.  They fall in love!  This is the only way I can describe it to someone who doesn’t have this disease.  When you fall in love with a person, you never stop thinking about the person you love.  You want more and more of what you love, the person you love takes you!  Literally takes all of you!

Personally, after I had my first drink it was love at first sip.  Unfortunately, this love zapped all of my control, my thought processes, my everything! It took all things that were imperative to having a happy, successful life.

The love affair with drugs and alcohol always ends tragically!  Or the person finally breaks up with the love of their life (alcohol and drugs) and surrenders to something outside of themselves.  A person, someone that can help the addict/alcoholic be put back together physically and emotionally.  Like the Tin Man, The Lion and the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz.  Addicts and Alcoholics need a new heart, brain and courage.

The love affair with drugs and booze is what needs addressing and you cannot look at the addict/alcoholic with blanket statements and adjectives.  Each individual need's one-on-one help, especially in the first 90 days.  A broken heart takes a lot of time to heal.  Generalization is what we use to treat disease in this country and it just won’t work with addiction.  This disease goes deeper emotionally than other diseases.  Deeper meaning that it hits our core; our moral and ethical core. We are not bad people, we are people who need love, kindness and patience. All of these things are things that are freely given to people we love.  We are not taught how to love unconditionally.  The addict/alcoholic needs, unconditional love, and that my friend is a very, very, very, hard thing to put a price tag on.

At the event….

Emptynesterhood

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Bye bye Summer 2018! 

Hello My Friends,

It has been a long time since I’ve written a blog and that is mainly because I have been focusing my efforts on daily vlogs, https://www.instagram.com/p/Bmnu4Z3hQWv/embed/?autoplay=1 that are on the bottom of my website at www.busylivingsober.com, Facebook at Busy Living Sober and on Instagram at busylivingsober.  Not to mention I have been getting all of my children ready for college. Henry, my last one, leaves Thursday and I am feeling very emotional. Feelings aren’t facts but they sure can mess with one’s day.

This fall will be the first time in 22 years that I won’t have a child in my home. No more back to school forms to fill out, no more after school sports, no more making sure that I have enough food in house and I have something prepared for dinner. Lunch! No more lunches to pack and my list could go on and on! I know that I am not the first or the last Mom that will go through this but for the moment I feel a little lost.

Emptynesthood (my made-up word) is a new phase for me and rather than sitting here feeling sorry for myself I am going to get BUSY!

I am going back to school to educate myself and am happy to report that I will start seeing clients again. Though I have a lot of knowledge about addiction, it will no longer be my main concentration. I want to help people who are going through changes in their lives and need a little helping hand to get to the next phase.

Busy Living Sober will remain a resource for people who are having a hard time with addiction.

Today we have collaborators that contribute helpful tips.

I am so honored to announce that already this Summer we have had one contributing article, Recovery Tips For Professionals: Seeking Help Without Harming Your Career by Eva Benoit. Help.org http://busylivingsober.com/how-am-i-staying-sober/ and TuckSleep have also submitted some very helpful information that you can find under the heading Helpful Tips. If Busy Living Sober can help one person who is battling this horrendous disease of addiction, then we are making a difference.

If you have some ideas or like to write and would also like to contribute to the site, please send it to bizzy@busylivingsober.

So please keep checking Busy Living Sober regularly for new information and tips to help you get or stay sober.

I will not be too sad in the next coming months but if you want to reach out I would love it!

Keep getting busy living sober and sober not ashamed!

 

Parents testimony after working with Bizzy

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“My Wife and I worked with Elizabeth for an entire week identifying the appropriate facility for our 20 year old son.  Her compassion, focus, commitment and caring response resulted with our son accepting a 45 day in-patient facility for his recovery.  We would not have achieved this quick result without Elizabeth’s expertise with this disease and her dedicated work.  We would highly recommend and refer anyone that needs help with recovery to consider working with Elizabeth.”

An anonymous poem

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Damn you alcohol, you took so much

For I allowed you to be my number one crutch

 I loved you because you helped me deal with my pain

But over time you were robbing me of being sane

 You crept in at a slow pace

But quickly took over to where I couldn’t save face

 You made me do things for which I am not proud

Quietly sneaky, passing out, I did not need to be loud

 Progressive you were for sure

My actions were too much for many to endure

 A problem, not me, I’ve never been in trouble with the law

But to loved ones I hurt, things were quite raw

 Parties, parties, let’s go to a bar and drink

No, not me, drink alone and pour down the sink

 No one will know what’s up

Until somehow, they always found the cup

 Alcoholics are bums on the street

Never so many wise alcoholics did I ever think I’d meet

 I’m a winner, and achiever, there’s nothing I can’t beat

You’re the reason my life turned into deceit

 Many a nights of drink, I thought I fooled them all

But did I? I can’t remember many nights at all

 My kids were fearful mom and dad would divorce

Only a matter of time, before it would be the course

 You let me get away with it a night or two

But in the end that’s when it dropped; the other shoe

 It took a long time for me to finally see

I was hurting so many more than just me

 You want me dead

I finally have that in my head

 You had such a hold on me

That I just could not see

 Putting down the drink is only a part

Getting sober comes from the heart

 It works if you work it so they say

Something I didn’t practice back in the day

 Through AA and my higher power

I will no longer allow you to make me cower

 Day by day is the way for me

And slowly my loved ones will see

 I am stronger than you at least for today

And that is how I will keep you at bay